Marijuana Anonymous | District 6 | Los Angeles County

The Wisdom of Experience

“The guilty feelings born in our past start to fall away. We begin to feel a closeness and an intimacy with all of creation. In fact, the wreckage of our past actually starts to feel like a resource of experience from which we can begin to learn and grow.” Life with Hope, 3rd ed., p. 23

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Early in my sobriety I was overwhelmed with a sense of shame, guilt and remorse over all the lost opportunities, errors in judgment, and bad decisions I’d made when I was using. I found inescapable the sense that my life had been a waste and that I had spent far too many years in active addiction. Certainly, there was truth underlying these feelings, but beyond grasping that truth, they did little to help me in my recovery and potentially represented obstacles to my long-term sobriety and spiritual growth. I had to discover for myself that “our experience can benefit others,” even when, or especially when, it concerns mistakes I’ve made.

I felt a great sense of liberation from all those feelings of self-pity, remorse and shame when I was able to share with others in the program the lessons gained from mistakes I’d made. Like everyone else, I was born without knowledge, understanding or wisdom, all of which can be gained only in the struggle of one’s own or another’s struggle. If the suffering I endured as a result of my errors can save me and another from equal or worse suffering, then it was well worth it.

Final thought: Today I have decided to leave self-pity, shame and remorse behind in gratitude for the wisdom my experience offers me.